Non-stop Violence

$25.99 from
Mayhem Productions, Inc.
P.O. Box 334,
CA. 94509. USA

I’m having to review this from memory, since it got ‘borrowed’ the first time a TC contributor saw it. I guess though most would be loathe to admit it, there’s something about the sight of trailer trash slapping the shit out of each other which appeals to everyone. For that’s what you have here: five (technically six, but one is so brief it resembles a Mike Tyson pay-per-view bout) knock-down, hair-pulling, scratching, clawing cat-fights – imagine Jerry Springer if security guy Steve had the day off.

The battles don’t appear to be fake, or at least seem rather more real than you’d expect (and a good deal more so than the WWF). A couple are painful to watch, and the general impression is that these are girls you do not want to piss off. I do wonder about the set-up: you can occasionally glimpse in the corner of the shot, that still photos are also being taken, so you could acquire the entire multi-media experience if you wanted. It looks like the fights take place in a room, with white sheets hung on the walls. This is slightly disappointing: there’d be something appealing about a fight that rampaged through an entire house, knocking tables over and using convenient vases.

But the genius element on this tape is the presenters. The ‘Boone Brothers’ are two beer-swilling, bong-smoking, foul-mouthed rednecks who introduce each bout, detailing the contestants’ grudge with each other and giving the backgrounds. These are, I hope, wildly fictional – if “getting through high school with only one abortion” really is someone’s finest achievement, the human race is doomed. Their equal-opportunity offensive commentary (no social group left unstoned!) is spot-on, as they award beer ratings to each contender, based on how many they’d need to shag them. It’s refreshingly straightforward to see a cheerful acknowledgement that no-one here will win any beauty pageants, save perhaps Miss Inbred 2000.

This is the kind of tape that sucks you down with it: you start off wincing, and end up placing bets on the fights. With no socially redeeming features at all, morally, it’s probably about two steps above the torture of small animals. In all likelihood, you will go to hell if you watch this tape. See you there.