So there you have Issue 0. We hope to get round to producing Issue 1 in three months or so, but if before we do, we’d like to know what you thought about this one. If you enjoyed it, please let us know; it’s a great boost to our egos(!!) and it’ll be interesting to know what sort of people read our inane ramblings. If you didn’t like it, write and let us know WHAT you didn’t like and WHY not – ideas for the sort of things you’d enjoy are also especially welcome. You are warned NOW that any letters will be considered as possible material for publication, unless you say otherwise. Name & address will be withheld if desired, and added to the Blackmail File instead.

Better still, why not contribute? You’ve now seen the sort of topics that we’ll be covering, but we’ll consider anything (especially 3 days before the next issue’s due out), as long as it’s written with enthusiasm (a Biro is also acceptable). No money, just a brief moment of fame. It’d be nice if it was typed, but as long as it’s legible, we’re not bothered. It’s up to YOU to make sure that what you say is legal,honest and truthful (the decent bit is your option) – we’ll be fascinated to hear about Jeffrey Archer or Koo Stark’s indiscretion, but only if you either have photos to prove it, or a Plutonium American Express card for the libel settlement.

Articles can be of any length, but generally the shorter they are, the better a chance they have of being published. Particularly welcome are neat little space-fillers to drop in at the end of things that aren’t an exact number of pages long. Clippings, quotes, cartoons and so on – if you’ve ever been to the doctor’s and read Reader’s Digest you’ll know the sort of thing but we’re looking for something a little more, er, shall we say “alternative”… Lists of ‘Top 10’ films, books, sex objects, beers are always wanted. It’d be a help if you could let us know about a big article in advance so that we can plan ahead and hopefully avoid getting three on the same subject, but this isn’t too vital – when it comes to reviews, we’d like a good few on the same thing so that we can get a range of opinions.

If your article can’t be fitted into one issue, it might make it into a future one. Obviously, it’ll have more chance if it’s still relevant – a film review that is nice and topical now, will be a little less fresh in three months…

Artwork is also wanted, but please remember that we’re rather restricted by what we can put through our copier! Black & white line drawings are probably O.K. – you’d be best to try photocopying them at home first. We can handle up to A3 size illustrations, by reducing them on the copier. We’ll do our best to return all work, but can’t accept any responsibility for loss, damage, etc however caused, etc, etc. Sending your stuff with an SAE will help stop it getting hidden underneath a Nastassja Kinski video because we can’t remember who sent it in.

Even if you don’t feel up to having anything published, write us a letter anyway. We can’t promise to reply to them all, but they’ll all be read and appreciated!

Look forward to hearing from you…

The Trash Patrol.