Back cover

There you have it – issue 0 hasn’t QUITE turned out the way I planned, but since I didn’t have any idea what it would be like to start with, I can’t really complain! There’s been more about films in here than anticipated, though given I saw no less than SIXTEEN films at the cinema in the first week of December alone, it’s not surprising.

Hope you had a good Xmas. I had two weeks or so of sleeping, eating and watching TV but wasn’t too impressed with the festive T.V. – they claimed to be catering to ‘a family audience’, but seemed to me to be aiming more at the lowest common denominator; Russ Abbott, omnibus East Enders, etc. Mind you, it was always going to be a pretty tame Christmas after the BBC used up their entire gratuitous sex quota for the month in ‘The Rainbow’!

Anyway, here’s a memento of the nearest thing to trash sport I’ve seen…

Future Schlock

Assuming we do eventually get round to producing another issue, what will be in it? Depends on the sort of feed-back we get, what sort of articles are sent in, etc, etc. However, some of the things that are planned to go in at some point in the future (which may or may not be in Issue 1):

Classic Splatter – The World Heavyweight Psychopathic Championship of the World: Jason ‘Hockey Mask’ Vorhees versus Freddy ‘Floppy Hat’ Krueger, as we take a look at ‘Friday the 13th’ and ‘A Nightmare on Elm St’ [sidelight : did you know that Elm Street was where Lee Harvey Oswald shot JFK from?]

More Nastassja – Yes, we rambled on for far too long in this issue about her, so it’s had to be split in two and the rest of it will appear in the next issue.

Sleaze – A cinema up in London is showing La Ciccolina [apologies to any Italian readers for the spelling – French I can cope with, but not Italian!] in ‘Clockwork Banana’. There may be a review of this, but it depends on whether we can pluck up the courage to go, and also if we can find my dirty mac.

Letters – There will be some letters. If you don’t write them, then we will just have to print letters from the council, final demands from BT, internal memos from the company we work for and so on and so forth ad nauseaum. You have been warned.

The Incredibly Bad Film Show – Quite possible THE most awful film of all time, “Return of the Barbarian Women”.

Well, there doesn’t seem to have been a lot about Inter-rail holidays in this issue, so we suppose we’d better try and put something in the next one. How about ‘Great Railway Stations of Europe’? Or perhaps you would prefer ‘Why every train leaving Barcelona is packed’. Maybe we’ll wimp out and give you a lightning run-down on red-light districts, but there are a few gaps in my knowledge. Germany, for example. Has the Reeperbahn really been taken over by transvestites, as we have heard? Let us know. Anonymity will be preserved…

The Great Title Competition

“Trash City” as a name for this ‘zine has provoked much discussion, with about a 50/50 split between those who like it and those who can’t stand it! So we’re throwing the debate open to all – comments & alternative names would be much appreciated, now you’ve read it and know what it’s all about. Here’s a selection of ones we came up with :

Passion Flower HotelThe Perfect KissEscapist Quarterly
Blitzed By Beauty, Dead By DawnCenobite SandwichPhobophilia
The Lolita GazetteThe Ultimate ForceSlice Me Slowly
City of Dreams

Any of the above appeal? Sure you can come up with a few more…

Ok. That’ll do for now. I’ve got a train to catch [though given that I nearly came in on the one involved in today’s disaster, I don’t think I should be pushing my luck]. See you in three months.


So there you have Issue 0. We hope to get round to producing Issue 1 in three months or so, but if before we do, we’d like to know what you thought about this one. If you enjoyed it, please let us know; it’s a great boost to our egos(!!) and it’ll be interesting to know what sort of people read our inane ramblings. If you didn’t like it, write and let us know WHAT you didn’t like and WHY not – ideas for the sort of things you’d enjoy are also especially welcome. You are warned NOW that any letters will be considered as possible material for publication, unless you say otherwise. Name & address will be withheld if desired, and added to the Blackmail File instead.

Better still, why not contribute? You’ve now seen the sort of topics that we’ll be covering, but we’ll consider anything (especially 3 days before the next issue’s due out), as long as it’s written with enthusiasm (a Biro is also acceptable). No money, just a brief moment of fame. It’d be nice if it was typed, but as long as it’s legible, we’re not bothered. It’s up to YOU to make sure that what you say is legal,honest and truthful (the decent bit is your option) – we’ll be fascinated to hear about Jeffrey Archer or Koo Stark’s indiscretion, but only if you either have photos to prove it, or a Plutonium American Express card for the libel settlement.

Articles can be of any length, but generally the shorter they are, the better a chance they have of being published. Particularly welcome are neat little space-fillers to drop in at the end of things that aren’t an exact number of pages long. Clippings, quotes, cartoons and so on – if you’ve ever been to the doctor’s and read Reader’s Digest you’ll know the sort of thing but we’re looking for something a little more, er, shall we say “alternative”… Lists of ‘Top 10’ films, books, sex objects, beers are always wanted. It’d be a help if you could let us know about a big article in advance so that we can plan ahead and hopefully avoid getting three on the same subject, but this isn’t too vital – when it comes to reviews, we’d like a good few on the same thing so that we can get a range of opinions.

If your article can’t be fitted into one issue, it might make it into a future one. Obviously, it’ll have more chance if it’s still relevant – a film review that is nice and topical now, will be a little less fresh in three months…

Artwork is also wanted, but please remember that we’re rather restricted by what we can put through our copier! Black & white line drawings are probably O.K. – you’d be best to try photocopying them at home first. We can handle up to A3 size illustrations, by reducing them on the copier. We’ll do our best to return all work, but can’t accept any responsibility for loss, damage, etc however caused, etc, etc. Sending your stuff with an SAE will help stop it getting hidden underneath a Nastassja Kinski video because we can’t remember who sent it in.

Even if you don’t feel up to having anything published, write us a letter anyway. We can’t promise to reply to them all, but they’ll all be read and appreciated!

Look forward to hearing from you…

The Trash Patrol.

Best of 1988

Well, 1988 is nearly at an end (it will be by the time you read this), and so it’s the customary time to look back over the past year and pick out a few highlights and lowlights.

Top 10 films seen in ’88 (no order – eleven really!)
  • The Hidden
  • The Seventh Sign
  • Reform School Girls
  • A Fish Called Wanda
  • Jean de Florette/Manon des Sources
  • The Gruesome Twosome
  • Brain Damage
  • Nekromantik
  • Prison Ship Star Slammer
  • Robocop

Not all these were released in 88, but they all first brushed across my consciousness in the year past. I was torn about including a couple of the films I saw in an all-nighter on the 30th of December 1987, but in the end I decided to be strict with myself!

Top 10 Records released in 1988 (LPs or singles)
  • Laibach – Let It Be
  • Transvision Vamp – Sex Kick (Ciao Portobello)
  • Eighth Wonder – I’m Not Scared
  • Act – Laughter, Tears and Rage
  • Age of Chance – Take It!
  • Siouxsie and the Banshees – Peep Show
  • Thomas Dolby – Aliens Ate my Buick
  • Devo – Some Things Never Change
  • Tiffany – I think We’re Alone Now
  • Laibach – Sympathy for the Devil (Who Killed the Kennedys?)

Not a good year musically. Too much garbage, not enough bad taste, with only the rise of the bimbo and the continuing steady improvement of the remarkable Laibach giving much hope for the future.