It’s always a delight to lay out this next piece – partly because I don’t need to bother running it through the spell-checker, proof-reading it, or trying to see if it makes any sense. All I have to do is tone down the BLOCK CAPITALS, and add a few sarcastic comments – yes, once more we meet the Barry Norman of the fanzine world…

Dateline LONDON… AUGUST… 1994

Pheww Wot A Scorcher (cue picture of page three stunna in bikini holding an umbrella underneath a fountain).

I’d like now to lodge a protest about the terrible censorship present in Trash City at the moment, last issues reviews were cut to just because the lily-livered was concerned about contained therein.

I thought Jim was joking about cutting out , until in the early hours four masked men broke into my house and tried to the disk containing the reviews. Using my Spider Sense I took them all on and beat them soundly around the head with the latest edition of Girljock.

They tried to escape but I caught the smallest one as he was trying to squeeze through the bathroom window. Using my web slinging powers I quickly bound him to the toilet and began questioning him on who he was and more importantly who had sent him.

Just as I was going to get a name from him he bit down on a cyanide capsule and before he breathed his last he gurgled . . . . . “Beware The Moon”.

Bloody Idiot.

Did anyone here go to the Eurofest ’94 festival recently? Good, good. I hope you all enjoyed yourselves and are looking forward to the next two festivals by the same organisers [Both now in the dim and distant past. These reviews are late… Next one planned is March, again at the Everyman. Theme is Brit-films; ‘Terror’, “Satan’s Slaves” and possibly “Mark of the Devil”, if they can get a print] If you were at the Eurofest did you later read the review of the show in Samhain? I read it and couldn’t believe that the person who wrote it wasn’t on some sort of mind altering substances, it was rambling and it contradicted itself. Starting off saying that it hadn’t heard of Paul Naschy and ending saying how much the reviewer had enjoyed the whole event . . Hmmmmm give that man some Prozac now!

So (a needle pulling thread) lets start with……Paranoia Vol 2 No.2 – Ahhh, what we have here is probably Jim Mclennans favourite read. Issue 5 contains articles on cattle mutilations (hmmmmm beef) which details the removal of cattle’s sex organs and rectums and the refusal of the police to give any answers! Issue 5 also contains an article about an entire British regiment that was abducted by UFOs at Gallipoli during the Second World War (and they didn’t even touch Mel Gibson). Not really my cup of tea but this will certainly appeal to people who know that everyone is talking about them behind their backs!

Killer Kung-Fu Enema Nurses No.4 -Issue 4 contains the second part of a huge Peter Jackson interview along a glossary of Blaxsplotation Expressions i.e. “I knew your mama when she was whoring”………..An invitation to inevitable physical altercation resulting in death! Also included is a who’s who of Blaxsplo cinema (hmmmm Pam Grier) loads of reviews and an article on wrestling women videos (which doesn’t mention the Dynasty cat fights?!?!) Any zine that features a back page poster of Shaft gets my vote, so please, won’t you buy a copy?

Night of the Living Dead No. 0 – Moan, moan, bitch, bitch. Anoraks times three sitting around a table… Anorak one says “Romero Rules”, Anorak two says “Yeah, comic books rule” and anorak three (who with a score of 5 has the highest IQ of the three of them) says lets write a comic book based on Night of the Living Dead. Result, badly drawn, badly written cash in which is licensed by Romero and published by Fantaco (oh, it all makes sense now!). Lets get something straight, Night of the Living Dead was OK as a film but the phrase Flogging a Dead Horse should now be shouted and Mr. Romero (who with the exception of Martin hasn’t made a film nearly as good since) should move on. Avoid! [I liked it. Never felt the movie was great, which may be a good guide. Hate the film, love the comic. Like it, and…]

Ooh My Brain Hurts No. 13 – According to the laws of nature I should really hate this ‘zine but I don’t, God knows I’ve tried, but (as I’ve said before) at 50p it really is something of a bargain. Its packed with reviews and also features a great overview of William Burroughs. It certainly is one of my favourite ‘zines and even if I didn’t receive a free copy I would still seek out and buy copies of it, (which is really saying something).

Look, OK, I have to slag it off a bit so I’ll say that the ummm, errrr, cover art is rubbish, there you go! Happy now! [Sadly, I’ve heard this is the last issue of OMBH, Daniel Auty is moving on to other things – well, I guess that’s another ‘zine we’ve outlasted!]

Hoax! Monster Issue – F**K ME, what a find, this superb ‘zine looks at hoaxes and pranks from across the world (illustrated with newspaper reports) and also suggests some hoaxes you can pull off yourself. Particularly worth mentioning are the articles on urban myths (which reminds me did I tell you that a friend of mine bought a box of chicken from KFC and when he bit into the last piece…), drugs myths and the radio version of The War of the Worlds that was produced by Orson Welles. It’s very funny and for people with the minds of two year olds (ME, ME) it makes for a excellent read. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!

Girljock No. 11 – Look, it’s like this, I’m supposed to review the ‘zines not just slag them off because they are for different groups. I understand this now, and I’m sorry, so very, very sorry.

Girljock is a light fluffy read that will appeal to women with sensible shoes everywhere, and issue 11 features naked rock climbers and a feature on women’s volleyball. OK!

Alright, when you sit down and read it, it actually isn’t too bad and at least one of the cartoons in the back made me laugh out loud. Joe Bob says check it out. (expand your mind! I saw the sign and it opened up my mind, life is so demanding without understanding!)

Kill Me Slowly – A collection of comic strips and short stories from Fantaco (the same publishers of the god awful Night of the Living Dead comic), this has a lot more going for it (i.e. interesting, fairly original stories!).

Best story of the lot is “Bad Luck” and the worst in my opinion is Skin Flick. At $7.95 it’s worth standing in Megacity and reading, but buying it . . . . I don’t really think so!

Children of a Far Greater God – Volume 1, No.4

WE LOVE YOU MILES WOOD WE DO,
WE LOVE YOU MILES WOOD WE DO,
WE LOVE YOU MILES WOOD WE DO,
OH MILES WOOD WE LOVE YOU.

(Miles the above is part of a pathetic attempt to get some Christina Applegate stills from you, eh, eh, oh go on please!) The latest (at the time of writing!) issue of Miles lovely ‘zine has reprints of an interview with Amanda Bearse (Marcy) about her recent “outing” as a lesbian (*lesbian – see Girljock) and a set report from a recent taping, all this and the usual reviews and cast stills (oh, go on Miles, just a couple, please?). While in the States recently, I caught a late night T.V. interview with Christina Applegate where she appeared with her new short hair and talked about the restaurant she had just opened in Hollywood! Two bums up, as usual for C.O.A.F.G.G.

Legend of the OVA Fiend No.4 – OVA launches into it’s second year with what I think is their best ever issue, expanding on their live action reviews and including reports on the HTC show and a report on Hong Kong sci-fi by Jim. Comes complete with nice wraparound cover. £1.50 is just a bit too pricey (compared with “Ohh My Brain Hurts”) but, that said, it is one of the best anime themed ‘zines around!

Animejin No.4 – And talking of Anime themed ‘zines . . . . . .This issue contains a battle of the conventions report (Jim McLennan, Steve Whitcher & Simon Devey all going to both the AUKcon and the Anime Day convention and reporting back on both of them). Also included was an idiots guide to buying Anime related product in Japan and the usual Anime news & reviews. Much of a muchness, if you have spare cash and are a animaniac (HA, I cracked a funny!) buy it.

Adults Only No.1 – A new fanzine from Jonny Redman and friends appears and what great value it is, £1.25 for 63 pages! Content swerves all over the shop, from stupid letters to a well written overview of “Blow Up” and a beginners guide to widescreen formats. It represents very good value for money and deserves your support (even though it is a bit two faced in places, see the Redemption praises/slaggings off!). [And issue 2 is now out as well]

Luan Peters: Homage to a Seraph – Tim Greaves 1 shot publications comes up with the goods yet again, this time with a lovely booklet on the stunning Luan Peters (whom I’d never heard of!). As usual it contains loads of beautiful photos (I loved the shot at the top of page 8) at a top to tail retrospective look at her career. This issue was supposed to be a Luan Peters/ Anouska Hempel but for reasons Tim goes into on page 31 it never transpired (and who said fanzine editors were boring!). As usual, very highly recommended although a few colour pages (prohibitive as the price might be) would make it a must buy! [except it’s sold out, anyway!]

Daughters of the Night (Carmilla on the screen) – I think Tim Greaves must live his life on a different timescale to the rest of the planet, Tim how many hours are there in one of your days? 40 hours? 50 hours? I ask because he manages to come up with so many well researched, written and typeset ‘zines a year I find it hard to believe he has time to do anything else. This new one critiques all the different film versions of Joseph Sheridan LeFanu’s “Carmilla” that have been made, from the well known Hammer versions to a Seventies 8mm British Porno version called “Blood Lust”! Once again very highly recommended (If it hasn’t sold out by the time of review!). One gripe, sorry Tim! Am I alone in thinking that Ingrid Pitt is at best plain and at worst down right ugly? Well, her picture makes for a frightening cover and centre poster I suppose!

[Tim Greaves has come up with still another publication, a revised edition of his earlier “Vampyres” issue. The main reason for the upgrade is that he’s managed to track down one of the stars, and the resulting new information adds interesting new light on the production. If you didn’t pick this up already, it’s even more essential now – and if you did, I’m sure he’ll do a trade-in! I am joking, Tim!]

Little Shoppe of Horrors No.12 – Does Richard Klemensens fanzine REALLY need reviewing? Does the word fanzine do it justice? Can’t Jim supply me with a ‘zine I can really, really slag off? Oh, well. The 12th issue of LSOH comes an incredible FOUR years after the last effort! Was the four year wait worth it? YES, YES, YES!

130 pages packed with Hammer information, reviews, news and interviews and EVERY page worth reading (not to mention the Horrors of the Black Nylon Museum picture gallery at the back packed with superb pictures of semi clad Hammer starlets WHOO HOO!). Reading LSOH you can tell that Richard has a great love of Hammer and that love is bursting out of every word he and the other LSOH staff writes. I really cannot praise LSOH 12 highly enough. Certainly well worth buying although I would imagine that it has already sold out by the time this review sees the light of day. I only hope that Richard doesn’t go through with his plan to stop writing LSOH after issue 15, if the standard keeps up I’d be happy to wait 10 years between issues! An honourable mention must also go to Steve Karchin for the amazing artwork on the front cover!

---

Time for another review break. I started writing the reviews in August and it is now November of the same year and Jim has just given me more fanzines to review. Now lie back and listen to this, four months and still no sign of a new Trash City! AMAZING! I know that they say that quality takes time and I can accept that but it doesn’t explain why it takes (at least) six months for a new issue to appear.

O.K. I have a plan.

COMPETITION TIME

I am offering a prize (at the time of writing the prize is still undetermined but after last weekend it will probably consist of bottles of Brody’s cider) to any Trash City reader that can come up with the best reason for the ‘zines sporadic appearances. Just mark your entries “ITS THE CORN CIRCLES I BLAME” and send them to the usual editorial address. The winner will be printed in the next edition (due out sometime in 1998!)

[To help you, here is a clue towards the actual reason for our late appearance: “Hey, Lino, have you done the fanzines yet?”. Here’s another one: “When will your article be ready, Lino?”. And why not have a third one too? “Oi! Where are the ‘zine reviews, ?” Are you getting the idea? Well, actually, it’s not fair to totally blame Lino for the late appearance of TC, but it certainly is far more fun than any of the real reasons]

Right, sorry on with the reviews!

Frontal Lobe No.1 – A bizarre mish mash of poems, short stories and weird photo collages from people such as Jello Biafra and the incredibly named Vladimir Distakophnaphinth! It’s all a bit too strange to detail and even stranger to read. All I can say is seek out a copy!

Article 19 No. 9 – Compact, nicely drawn, funny Canadian comic. No.9 comes complete with a free UFO or unicorn photo! Editor Robin Bougie really seems to love drawing and likes receiving mail (hint) so send some money to Canada enclose a letter and make his day! Only one gripe and that is that he is SO in love with his new wife Rebecca he seems to mention her on every second page! (Don’t you just HATE people in love!!!).

Saccade No.3 – A fairly good fiction ‘zine from Sheffield with some well written short stories. One thing I could have lived without is some of the terrible art that has been included within it’s pages (If this is the stuff he chose to print God only knows what the standard of the stuff he rejected was like!) That minor quibble apart, if fiction is your bag Saccade is certainly worth seeking out.

Movie Mania – Jim I love reviewing the fanzines for you, I really do, I even enjoy reading some of them, BUT, this one is in German and my German is virtually non-existent! Hell, lets just make something up, after all that’s what I do with the rest of the ‘zines! The latest issue of Movie Mania (in German!) contains reviews of Hong Kong & Japanese movies (Robotrix, Evil Dead Trap 2 etc.) also with a Caroline Munro interview and loads of other (German) type stuff. Highlight of which is an interview (in German!!) with that Wunderkind Director Alex Chandon (who is a hack really and his film Drillbit is only saved by a superb performance by one of the killers!) Wonderfully entertaining fanzine (if you read German) and highly recommended if you want to catch up with the latest releases in Germany (and you can speak German!).

Plain Brown Wrapper – Which comes supplied (surprisingly) in a plain brown wrapper with a nifty velcro fastening! This American ‘zine is really very entertaining containing ramblings and short stories from a deranged Yank! The stories in P.B.W. are embellished with lyrics from songs the author wrote and performed in San Francisco! Incredibly strange & incredibly funny (in places!) Look for the address (see below) send off your money and prepare to be entertained. (Hmmm sex with alien Lizard women!)

Girljock No.12 – See what I mean, it’s been so long since I started writing that issue 12 of Girljock has found its way into my podgy little Italian fingers! This issue contains articles on how to cruise for fresh meat if you’re a butch (best tip being not to do the splits or dance the polka on the dancefloor! ), along with articles on women’s football (I am tempted to mention the old line about looking forward to the end of the game when they swap shirts! but I won’t), a good cartoon strip about Lilane the Reluctant Rugby Wife! and (worth the price of the ‘zine on its own) a hilarious picture of Barbara Bush posed in front of the USA Eagles National Rugby team about to throw a rugby ball!!!!!

Recommended (God, I’ve changed my tune!) to girls to like to play around (although they cover sports other that golf!! Haa Haa) and to men (sexist pigs that they are) who like to see pictures of girls playing around (see above!).

Camera Obscura No.2 – And to finish (finally!) we have Alex Low’s second edition of Camera Obscura (which at 100 pages and glossy cover is better described as a book!). I haven’t seen No.1 but if this new edition is anything to go by I’ll have to get my hands on a copy (Eh, Alex, go on mate please!) This issue looks at and reviews genre films from 1940 to 1970 (not a mean feat!). It contains many well written, informed reviews and some great artwork. Very well worth a look, and ideal for anybody’s Xmas present! (Think of it as a mini Aurum at a fraction of the cost, with less mistakes!). All this and it’s a limited edition! Very highly recommended!

Right, that’s that then. Before I disappear into the toilet with issues 11 & 12 of Girljock let me take time out to wish you all a happy Christmas (or I hope you enjoyed your Christmas depending on when this appears!).
And remember, I love you all . . . . . . .

P.S. You can send your competition entries or any general questions to me direct via E-Mail just post to me at lino@mail.on-line.co.uk (ohhh Internet!)

I REALLY look forward to reading your comments!

---

By some miracle, I got the ‘zines back from Lino this time – though Girljock arrived three weeks later and in a state I’d really rather not describe – so we should be ok for names and addresses. Of course, there have been some new issues since I handed the last batch over to Lino – indeed most of the editors have probably died of old age and several new continents have formed. Leading the “let’s make Jim feel terribly guilty about TC’s schedule” race is Animejin: we reviewed issue four, they are now up to issue seven. Sob. There’s even been another issue of Girljock too, which I’ve little doubt Lino will want to, ah, peruse.

I was sent a copy of Inferno, a very glossy magazine that looks superb – wish there was an English equivalent as unfortunately, it’s all in Danish. This is a slight problem, (but, hey, we’re all Europeans now) and especially galling as they teasingly drop in English quotes, titles or paragraph headings! But worth it for the adverts; if you want to find continental sources for films, there are some promising ones here (some adverts are even in English – hmm…). Also from Denmark is the first issue of the Scandinavian Manga Club newsletter, Mangazine: slim, but in English, and with a useful “check-list” of anime titles.

A mention to Dementia 13 #14 (if you see what I mean). Another wraparound cover – seems to be the fashion this year!) wraps around a mix of “arcane and macabre” fiction (which I liked) plus interviews with, and articles on, and interview with, a lot of people I haven’t heard of (which I skimmed). A similar mix can be found in Midnight in Hell 12, back after a rather lengthy absence, even by our standards 🙂

Finally, Scapegoat, the anti-censorship magazine, which has contributions from just about everyone in horror fandom – including Stefan Jaworzyn being kind to John Gullidge, which must be a first. A slight element of preaching to the converted, and a pointless article, allegedly to do with David Irving but more about parading the author’s right-on views, don’t detract from 1994’s most essential purchase, critical ammunition in the never-ending war.

Or maybe not finally. Microsoft Word suddenly decided not to load our documents, claiming “someone else” was using them. Weird, as the computer isn’t connected to a network. Where’s Dana Scully when you need her? A swift exorcism did the trick, but meantime more magazines arrived. It’d be a shame to make them wait another 11 months till they get their plug… Anything else you want to say, Lino?

It’s been years in the making, doesn’t feature the Horror Consultant (WHY!!) and it is — the all old-look Cold Sweat!! Trevor Barley now holds the British record (beating Jim McLennan) for the longest time between issues. Well, he has reasons, the main one being his organisation of the Eurofest horror festivals held last year [Current date for his next Festival is March 25th, but sadly, no ‘Mark of the Devil’]. The new double digit issue contains a long article on Redemption video giving short reviews of all their releases; a patchy look at the Loch Ness Monster in the movies, and an an article on Trevor’s recent trip to Rome (he got mugged, ha, ha, ha!).

If you want to know how easy it is to organize a film festival, just read his account of the trials and tribulations behind the first Eurofest. Rounding up the issue are short articles on home made English horrors (an outfit called Giallo) a Debbie Dutch filmography and a look at a small American video company called I.D.E. Add some great pictures of Michelle Bauer and a stunning picture of me!! Certainly worth acquiring (Trevor did send me a free copy of Draculina to an attempt to get a good review. He didn’t have to, If you know Cold Sweat you’ll want to buy the new issue, if you don’t splash out 1.75 and educate yourself!)

This end, I start with another ‘zine less frequent than TC(!), Dark Star, but always worth the wait. Looks very cool these days, new layout (proof that Rob’s been spending!), added style, easy on the eye. The same is true of the text, too, which slides gently between your neurons. Nice ‘n’ relaxed.

Found a bunch of anime-zines from the last con. A mixed bag: another OVA Fiend (#5 – snarl, they’re catching up!), Animace #5, including a great Power Rangers piss-take and Daniel Auty (that’s where he went to!) plus Animenia & Tinsel City, both sadly marred by dodgy copying, the latter especially losing out as it’s an amateur manga-collection. Shame, the stories deserve better. And out of the box marked seriously strange, there’s Red Leopard. Any magazine that manages to write about cheese and porn deserves your support.

Global Mail (above) is a severe information overload, very dense, and undoubtedly containing a wide range of gems (and/or rubbish!). Lowlife (opposite) is co-edited by TC-writer Phoenix Hitch, and gives me the chance to tell my Gothic joke. Q. How many Goths does it take to change a lightbulb. A. None, the lights were off anyway… If you find that funny, get a Lowlife. After a spell away, Kevin McClure (ex-Lino fave, The Wild Places) is back with his new ‘zine Promises & Disappointments. This one is 50/50 reviews and articles, with his open-minded scepticism a healthy blast. Down at the ‘ruff’ end, is China in Your Hand, the Frankenstein ‘zine. A tad expensive for 20 photocopied pages, but the man certainly knows his stuff.

Anyone who read the Black Lace article and thought “I can do that” should read Caress, a slim newsletter by/for erotic writers. While not cheap, the info therein is sure to repay the cost quickly; it also reviews lots of interesting, ah, “product”. Second to last, we have Popular Culture, a great ‘zine from Denmark (in English, Lino!) with lots of snappy short articles on anything from Jackie Onassis to Shonen Knife, a Reader’s Digest of, as it says, pop culture. And the coveted last spot goes to Raimi-zine, like Article 19 another Saskatoon-’zine, telling you all you need to know (and then some!) about the excellent ‘Darkman’ this issue. Fascinating stuff.

CoNTACT ZoNE

Addresses for publications reviewed follow. Prices exclude postage except where noted.

• Adults Only (1.50?) – Jonny Redman, 61 Scott Street, Padiham, Lancs, BB12 6NW
• Animace (£1.50) – Paul Cook, 5 Brookland, Tiptree, Colchester, Essex CO5 0BU
• Animenia/Tinsel City (?) – Josh Clark, 2 Birkdale Drive, Immingham, Grimsby, DN40 2LB
• Animejin (£1) – Jonathan Weeks, 65 The High, Streatham High Road, London. SW16 1EY
• Article 19 ($1.50) – Robin Bougie, 928 Main St, Saskatoon, Saskat. S7H 0KS, Canada
• Camera Obscura (£5.50) – A.J.Low, 1265 Pollokshaws Rd (A7), Glasgow, G41 3RR
• Caress (£12/5 iss) – The Write Solution, Flat 1, 11 Holland Road, Hove, BN3 1JF
• Children/God (£1.50) – Miles Wood, 2nd Flr, 221 Ashmore Rd, Queens Pk,London W9 3DB
• China in your Hand (£2) – M.J.Simpson, Flat 3, 113 Lichfield St, Hanley, Stoke, St1 3EB
• Cold Sweat (£1.75) – Media Publications, 12 Elder Avenue, Crouch End, London N8 9TH
• Dark Star (£2) – 64 Arthur Street, Gravesend, Kent, DA11 0PR
• Dementia 13 (£2.30) – Pam Creais, 17 Pinewood Avenue, Sidcup, Kent, DA15 8BB
• Hoax! (£3?) – 64 Beechgrove, Aberhonddu, Powys, Wales, LD3 9ET
• Kill Me Slowly + Night/Dead – Fantaco, 21 Central Ave, Albany, NY 12210, US
• Frontal Lobe (£1) – Organism, 18 Stile Common Rd, Primrose Hill, Newsome, Yorkshire
• Girljock ($3.95) – Rox-a-tronic, PO Box 882723, San Francisco, CA94188-2723, US
• Inferno (Dkk 45-) – Esromgade 12, 4.tv. DK-2200, Kobenhavn N, Denmark
• Killer/Nurses (£2) – Rowlf, PO Box 27-432, Upper Willis St, Wellington, New Zealand
• Legend/OVAFiend (£1.50) 1 Ullswater Ct, Greenmeadow Way, St Dials, Gwent NP44 4RW
• Little/Horrors ($6.95) – Richard Klemensen, PO Box 3107, Des Moines, Iowa 50316, US
• Mangazine Scandinavia (Free) – Mega Scandinavia a/s, Linnesgade 14A, DK-1361, Copenhagen K, Denmark
• Midnight in Hell (£3) – George Houston, The Cottage, Smithy Brae, Kilmalcolm, PA13 4EN
• Movie Mania (7- DM) – Postfach 1207, 73278 Schlierbach, Germany
• Ooh My Brain Hurts (50p) – Daniel Auty, 9 Andrew Close, Wokingham, Berks, RG11 2HY
• Paranoia ($4) – sorry, “need to know” basis. Oh, ok: PO Box 3570, Cranston, RI 02910, US
• Plain Brown Wrapper – Malthus Press, 2317 B Carleton St, Berkeley, California 94704, US
• Popular Culture (£2.50?) – Soren Kjellberg, Norreport 16, 8400 Ebeltoft, Denmark.
• Promises/Dis’mnts (£2) – Kevin McClure, 42 Victoria Rd, Mt Charles, St Austell, PL25 4QD
• Raimi-zine ($2.50) – D.Sean Maclaggan, 3617 Chaben Pl, Apt #209, Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, S7H 4E9, Canada.
• Red Leopard (£1.50?) – 329 Finchampstead Rd, Wokingham, Berks, RG11 3JT
• Saccade (£1.75) – 148 Ulsterville Park, Portadown, Armagh, N.Ireland, BT63 5HD.
• Scapegoat (£3 inc p&p) – Stray Cat Publishing, PO Box 146, Plymouth PL1 1AX
• Vampyres (£3), Daughter of the Night (£1.95) – Tim Greaves, 118 High Street, Eastleigh, Hants, SO5 5LR. [Prices include p&p, money payable to Tim Greaves, please!]