Firstly thanks to the people who sent me Xmas cards – it won t surprise you to learn that it was TC readers who were responsible both for the ‘Pirelli Advent calendar’ and the card featuring Santa whipping his reindeer with Rudolf begging for more.

I asked for your opinions on whether going pro-printed was a good thing or no. and I got them – not that there was a unanimous viewpoint

• Martin Murray. Waterford – ‘The reproduction is definitely improved’
• Richard Owen, Skewen – ‘I didn’t notice any difference’
• Glyn Williams. Mickleover – The printing is nice and crisp’
• Paul J. Brown, Huntingdon – ‘The printing is much better and worth every penny’
• Simon Owen. Newcastle – ‘There is only a slight improvement in quality but… it’s probably a good idea… if only for the sake of your blood pressure’.

Which is about the best summing up of the actual situation. Meanwhile. other readers have taken great delight in making me mad with envy.

• Stuart Adamson. Keefe – ‘One of my friends here has met Nastassja Kinski… He met her at a flash party a few years ago when he was doing Tarot readings and such professionally in London. Feel free to grind your teeth and turn green – I know I did!’
• Steve Moss. Liverpool – ‘…the same Jon and another mate from Norfolk both had very small parts as soldiers in ‘Revolution’ and… met herself(‘ She apparently came over to a group of ‘soldiers’ and said something like 1 feel really sorry for you standing out here in the cold’ before disappearing back into the warmth of her caravan!’
• Daniel Cox, Greenford – 1 had her once, but I don’t remember the circumstances – I can’t rule out the possibility that it may have been a dream… ‘

I have dreams like that too. He continues with a nastier claim to notoriety

DC – ‘I once met Dennis Nielsen at a party – of course that was before someone called in a plumber ‘

All of which makes anything I might say involving Linnea Quigley pale into insignificance. Mr Adamson has another unique quality. that of being the only TC subscriber know of who plays in a band named after a technique used for detecting sexual abuse of children

SA – ‘The band I play in, R.A.D (Reflex Anal Dilation), are (un)doubtedly the fastest, sickest band on Earth. Well, actually. I’m not so sure that we are, but we enjoy ourselves anyway. Basically we play songs of a somewhat risque nature, badly, though we have improved beyond all recognition since our inception in ’87… Please give us a plug, say how marvellous we are and stuff like that’

Whaddya think this is. ‘Wogan’? Moving on through a random selection of topics raised from previous TCs:

SO – ‘I beat the record for the fewest people in a cinema on Friday afternoon when myself and another bloke watched ‘Mystic Pizza’ at Newcastle Metro Centre”

Phil Taylor, Birmingham – “Have you come across… ‘The Incredibly Strange Fanzine’?.. {have not been able to obtain a reply to my letter (l have written twice). I learned from my bank that it costs 5 to cancel a cheque. therefore | will have to stand the loss if | do not receive the aforesaid “zine”

GW – “I recently look a long while devising a tortuous tale about a man who tues reef knots who discovers a strange ridge across the top of his leg, whereupon his doctor instructs a medical photographer to photograph and enlarge a picture of the peculiar mark. The doctor’s instructions, as you’ve no doubt guessed. were to blow up the ‘Ridge on the Reefer’s Thigh’. I wouldn’t dare, however, inflict this upon you.”

And a good job too The second piece is interesting, as it’s not the only letter I’ve had about that zine – if anyone has sent for it or any other ‘zine, and not received anything. do let me know. We mightn’t be able to help. bul it’ll save other people from making the same mistakes.

What follows ts an unedited chunk of letter, in which Alun Fairburn tries to dig himself out of the hole I was partly responsible for putting him in a couple of issues back

Alun Fairburn. Ammanford – *I loathe the current state of censorship in this country (the mere fact that the BBFC call themselves the Board of Film Classification now, makes my blood boil) and cannot agree with any forms of censorship in film or other media (fanzines, etc). The point that ft tried to get across is that the British Govt’s methods cannot work and will never work. Censorship just cannot work in a democracy. They should leave things bet!!! Nevertheless, | am of the opinion that if the govt. wants to intervene, then at least do so in the most deserving case(s). the torture video(s) that you referred to some time ago for example. I think there are a great majority of people all around the UK who can accept gore for what it is, bul just how many can advocate a torture video? There are some extremes that I couldn’t care less about, but the problem is that tge current system doesn’t stop there. The world is progressing, gore and violent horror gains wider acceptance, but the system in this country seems to stand siill.

Jim’ll Fix It section:

Andy Waller, Bromsgrove – “t hope that I’ve earned some kind of mention in the letter column…”

Yep, think I can just about manage that. However. Mr. Waller made the mistake of writing TWO letters to me, one full of useful. interesting thoughts about TC, the other commenting on “Passion Flower Hotel”. I will now embarrass him by quoting from the latter :

AW – °The words I could use to describe it are perhaps innocently exploitative’ Yeah, the naivete and innocence of the young aspiring actresses. their Ideas and the exploitative nature of the movie were quite unbelievable… Oh, such a beautifully naive perception of sex!

You mean it’s not like that? A plea for help & info now:

Bethany Rhys-Morgan, Manchester – “Do you know anyone that has any information on George Eastman? I’m trying to find out a complete filmography and am especially interested in an English language version of “Erotic Nights of the Living Dead’ & any stills of the said person”

And you thought Roland Rivron was obscurist! For those who don’t know, Georgie is probably best known for playing the title role in “Anthropophagous, the Beast’, a messy film even by Italian standards. Any info should be sent to me and I’ll pass if on. Let me finish with a P.S. that was both amusing and worrying.

Christopher Samms, Rickmansworth – “Please keep up the good work, | don’t know anybody else without any morals!”