Can I just say: I couldn’t care less about bloody Leo Blair? The only amazing thing is thinking that Tony has now had sex with the nightmarish Cherie four times: that is not an image upon which I care to dwell. So, moving rapidly on: you could have been forgiven for missing one news item of the past fortnight in all the fuss. For your information, I repeat it:

British censor fails to ban porn videos

LONDON, May 16 (Reuters) – British film censors failed on Tuesday in a battle to ban the sale of explicit pornographic videos in sex shops. The High Court in London rejected a challenge by the British Board of Film Classification (BBFC) against a decision by its own Video Appeals Committee to permit seven explicit films to go on sale at British sex shops. The BBFC said before the ruling that if its legal bid failed then virtually all hard-core porn videos could be classified for sale in sex shops for home use.

The titles at the centre of the case included “Horny Catbabe”, “Nympho Nurse Nancy”, “TV Sex”, “Office Tart” and “Wet Nurses 2”. Mr Justice Hooper ruled that the Appeals Committee had been entitled to take the view that the risk of children viewing the videos if sold in sex shops was “insignificant”. He took the view that the attitude of the Appeals Committee was one “a reasonable decision maker could reach. I have no doubt that the conclusion ‘that the risk of the videos in question being viewed by and causing harm to children or young persons is, on present evidence, insignificant,’ is one that a reasonable decision maker could reach,” he said.

The judge accepted there had been inconsistencies in the Appeals Committee’s reasoning in reaching its decision but said: “Any inconsistencies do not invalidate that central finding.” Leave to appeal against Tuesday’s decision was refused but it is still open to the BBFC to apply direct to the Appeal Court for leave to mount a challenge to the ruling.

Hooray! Ah, but the bad news is that Jack ‘War On Drugs – Except When My Son’s Caught Selling Them’ Straw is contemplating amending the law as a result of this legal decision. How childish can you get? “If you won’t let me win, I’m going to change the rules.” Will civilization as we know it collapse into anarchy in chaos as a result? Is this threatening the fabric of the British way of life? Haven’t the government got better things to do?

Enough already. A return to that ever-popular subject of TC Editorialising, Britney Spears, which is not perhaps so far a jump as it sounds [you’ll see…eventually]. Further communications on the subject have arrived at TC Towers:

Probably the last word on the Britster for now: I was shocked to find out a good friend of mine who should have known better had swallowed the covered-up boob job story hook, line and sinker. Even pointing out that a) little girls grow up into big girls (there was one sorry specimen at school with me who went up three inches and two cup sizes in under a year; it’s not that rare), and b) it’s amazing what a different set of supports and some good shading will do (you only have to compare and contrast Ms. Weaver in `Alien’ and `Galaxy Quest’…) did little to dissuade him. So it goes.

However, as a mature l\e\c\h\e\r\ connoisseur of the female form, I prefer infinitely the charms of SMG. The pout, the hairstyle, the fact that she can kick several shades of shit; all these are contributing factors. I’ve found a helluvalot of slash fiction, though; there are far too many people out there with not nearly enough to do.

I think the implant stories fit in rather better with the “dumb, talentless bimbo” stereotype which we’ve previously seen expressed, and puts Britney in the same category as the like of the late, lamented Lolo Ferrari [RIP – I wonder if her coffin had…no, let’s not go there] Heaven forbid she might be merely using her Supreme Deity-given assets. Wonderbras can do very nice things, it’s true — but you need something to work with to start with, as my Japanese ex-girlfriend found out. Hehehe. These days, I prefer proper women.

As for Britney the Vam…ah, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, erotic fan fiction is no surprise, it seeps out of virtually every TV series with more than one character. Recent events in Sunnydale, with Willow putting from the other side of the green, are only likely to provoke a tidal wave more. This is true even though they have been handled with a level of common sense and subtlety (I don’t think they’ve even used the L-word), not commonly seen on network TV. You could compare and contrast the rabid frenzy around Ellen, except that it was a) shit, and b) a loud statement of sexual politics. Keep all politics out of television, and the world will be a better place; better yet would be keeping politics – babies and all – off of television. Which is precisely where I came in…