Asshole of the month: Wayne Fabra, come on down!

Well, first I was going to use this week’s editorial for an update on my blister — scarily, I got more response from last time’s ramblings, than just about any other item! Then, I was going to apologise to the Japanese emperor for the behaviour of a tiny group of bitter and twisted ex-servicemen unable to let go of the past — it’s not often I agree with Tony Blair (in fact, this is probably a first), but here, he’s right. Their incessant bleating for cash is like a vagrant demanding spare change, and demands for precisely the “right” wording in the apology does neither them nor Britain any credit. It’s pathetic. But, hey, that should be patently obvious to anyone without a Burma-sized chip on their shoulder, so let’s turn our attention to an even bigger example of idiocy.

I like hate mail, providing it’s thoughtful, intelligent, or even coherent. I’ve printed an example of the other sort here before, but at least the writer on that occasion came from South America, so can perhaps be forgiven a little unfamiliarity with the native language. Mr Wayne Fabra, on the other hand, comes from America — perhaps we can instead blame too many generations of inbreeding for the following, which is presented exactly as it was received here, poor spelling, flawed grammar and ‘original’ punctuation intact:

who the fuck is this guy anyway bad mouthing evilspeak and texas chainsaw. you realize that your brain has no conception of what true horror is i guess you like scream and godzilla better its assholes like you who keep the real scary shit off the silver screen.the actors in texas chainsaw went through more hell making that film as realisitic as they could totally involved in their characters.there was so much authenticity in that film especially the dare you bad mouth such a master  rag it at first in your pathetic review then you praise it critics have to be hypocritical to be someone i guess dont review horror at all if you bad mouth it.thousands of true horror fanatics laugh at your uninformed ability to degrade everything in your path fuck you you weak geek sucking faggot die in the name of satan

Oooh, I am SO scared. I am tempted to treat this piece of excrement with the appropriate contempt — as well as his mail. But, hey, I’m feeling in a generous mood today, so I’m merely going to point out the flaws in his ill-written and badly thought out comments.

“Don’t review horror at all if you bad mouth it”

I can imagine him sitting there, some spotty-faced teenage oik in his bedroom, with his Ozzy Ozbourne records and black candles. To someone like that, I suppose that ‘Texas Chainsaw Massacre’, or even [giggle] ‘Evilspeak’ might seem like the greatest thing since he discovered how to masturbate. But this doesn’t mean everyone else has to share his views. the POINT of reviewing things is that you say what you think of them. Not even an idiot would claim that all horror films were great – as is proven by the fact that Wayne didn’t like ‘Scream’ – and so, I call ’em how I see ’em. And ‘Evilspeak’ is a turgid pile of stinking garbage, with few redeeming features. I ain’t going to call it a horror classic!

“The actors in Texas Chainsaw went through more hell making that film as realistic as they could.” [I’ll be kind, Wayne, and tidy up your spelling and stuff…]

No, they didn’t. They were making a cheapjack horror movie, that’s why the conditions were hell, it wasn’t some kind of artistic statement. If they were all so talented, why have they none of them done anything of merit since? It would probably be closer to the truth so say that Tobe Hooper couldn’t direct a stream of piss, and I speak as someone who loves ‘LifeForce’ dearly.

“Thousands of true horror fanatics laugh at your uninformed ability to degrade everything in your path.”

Yes: FANATICS. Look up the word in your dictionary, and you’ll probably find something like “unthinking devotees”, and I couldn’t give a single toss what people like that think. I don’t write for people like you, Wayne, I prefer those who have at least the minimal intelligence necessary to deal with criticism.

“Fuck you, you weak geek sucking faggot. Die in the name of satan”.

Hmmm…I don’t think the Lord of the Flies is going to be impressed by putting his name in lower-case. But let’s just see how tough you are: informed. That should be about your level. Have a nice life.

Wayne Fabra may be contacted – at least until his mummy takes his Net access away – at