Let’s start with a rather sad post-script to TC12’s column, which probably underlines how long has gone by since last issue:
Dick Klemensen, Des Moines: “Thanks for the new issue of TC. But one of the oddities of life, shortly after I got it with my letter about being married to Espie…the fucking marriage broke up! Combination of a lot of things. The pressure from the Immigration service, the age difference, her total immaturity (turning a younger woman from another culture loose in a country as rich as the USA is like turning a child loose in a candy store…Just remember – tight Oriental pussy cuts off the blood supply to your brain and you don’t think straight. But it is OHHHH so nice…!”
Further proof of how things Oriental can give one grief, comes from the co-editor of “Invasion of the Sad Man-Eating Mushrooms”:
Darren Jones, Upminster Bridge: “Speaking of illegal doings, I went up London a couple of weeks ago to interview Kim Newman. Unfortunately I got completely pissed very quickly and remember nothing of the interview. Anyway, afterwards, me and this other guy went looking for Cannon and Co. as I was after seeing what anime they had…We found Newport Road [Ed: Cannon and Co is in Newport Place] and it turned out to be a magazine shop of a dubious nature. He sent us around the corner to the proper address. Now, we were both pretty drunk and I looked at the address which was quite definitely right. The door was open and led straight up a flight of stairs, and a sign on the stairs read ‘Attractive Males Required’.
We had a quick vote, decided it was indeed the right place, and promptly charged up a few flights of stairs to find this clinically white door with a bell on it. I rang it…Well, the door opens and out comes this gorgeous woman, nothing on except a white body stocking which left nothing to the imagination. I could hear Jason gagging behind me and felt my own brain somersaulting in it’s juices. “Do you boys come here often?”, she purrs. “Erm, no – do you sell Japanese animation?” I ask. Trying to fix a stare to her eyes (totally impossible I can tell you, it was fixed firmly to the strand of string disappearing between her legs). “Oh, I think you’ve got the wrong address”, she says and slowly closes the door…The moral of the story is, don’t get pissed you can’t read street names.”
There’s also an interesting bit about losing a watch, which I’d better not print. It’s gone to the Zine Editors Blackmail File, before ‘Miller, Ken’, and after the following demonstration of how ‘zinedom corrupts, but pro-zinedom corrupts absolutely…
Steve Green, The Dark Side: “Knowing your respect for Ms.Beart, thought the enclosed might prove helpful.”
“The enclosed” is a picture of the blessed Emmanuelle not wearing many clothes, which is fair enough – however, the paper hankie he carefully attached clearly establishes something about someone!
Brian Bower, Preston: “The Customary Practice article: with it and the references to Liverpool TSO and in the comics review, can one assume that you have had recent dealings with The Thought Police? [Ed: luckily, not so far, but they probably still think I live at 247 Underhill Road!] I don’t know who was responsible for Three Pin Plugs – always good, this time excellent…This one was made more interesting than some articles I’ve read (in other fanzines, of course!). [Ed: Per, remind me to cut this bit out before Lino sees it] Enjoyed your Grievous Bodily Harm piece, apart from the completely unnecessary, completely unfounded, completely untrue reference to the very lovely, very talented Ms.Rothrock!”
Oh dear. There I was, about to congratulate Brian on his good taste and he blows it… I think we’ve now agreed to differ on that topic!
David Oya, Banbury: “Time to resub to Trash City, hence the enclosed cheque for œ3 for the next four issues. Sorry that I’ve taken the Passive Consumer stance so far, but other than stand agog in amazement at the Galaxy of Wonderment That is TC, there’s very little I feel I can do. Be assured though, that I’m thoroughly enjoying the 3D surround-sound subscribership experience…Loved the UFOs Conspiracy Corner…no doubt, to be filmed as a mini-series starring Christopher Casenove as John F.Kennedy and Emma Samms as the cunning, scheming Alien Sex Goddess Leather Lesbian Bondage-Fetish Evil Empress of the Universe. Or perhaps not”
Mike Landers, Colne: “I’m currently having a discussion with David Hines over the bimbo on the cover, I think it’s Ellen Barkin with Jamie Lee Curtis’ face, he thinks it’s Kim Basinger… The Conspiracy Corner piece was all the more impressive when MTV interviewed a bloke who supported much of Cooper’s claims just one day after receiving TC… Cooper’s rantings have just enough coherence to believe some of it, obviously not all but a lot of it does make sense”
Exactly my opinion, I’m always more worried if things sound just plausible enough to be possible. The next letter hits the mark about right…
Lee Clark, Saltash: “Just thought I’d write to tell you that after about 6 months of thinking about it, I’ve just had the back cover of ‘Trash City’ 9 tattooed, full size, on my arm. It hurt like fuck but it was worth it”
And on that thought, goodbye – I’m off to have a copy of TC10 put through my nose!