It’s that time of year again, when we engage with the kind of music which, for the other 364 days of the year, I would probably run screaming from. But Eurovision deserves special treatment, being the musical equivalent of an MST3K marathon. You go in, knowing to expect a slew of women belting out power ballads, Justin Bieber wannabes, cultural appropriation, and the batshit crazy entries that every country tends to throw up now and again.

This year, there were 37 entries, some of which won’t even make it to the grand final on Saturday night. But they still have deserve their moment in the sun. We sat through all their music videos, so you don’t have to. Here’s our thoughts, scrawled in the moment, and a back of the envelope grade as to whether we like them or not. Which may (and probably will) be utterly independent of musical quality.

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Bell Bank Park, Mesa
26th February, 2023

Our mission to bring you every a report on every dinosaur-related exhibit to pass through the state of Arizona continues, with a visit to Jurassic Quest, which bills itself as “The #1 Dinosaur Experience in North America!” There appear to be several set-ups touring the country simultaneously: I guess they’re the dino-equivalent of the Blue Man Group. General admission is $22, but that just gets you in the door; if you wanted your kids to experience all the other attractions, an “unlimited” admission is $36. However, the small print informed me that the maximum weight for the rides was 140 lbs, so we sadly bought general admission tickets, and I consoled myself with another doughnut.

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Arizona Boardwalk, Scottsdale
8th January, 2023

I’ve always been interested in UFOs. As a kid, I used to have a subscription to Flying Saucer Review, and wrote a letter to the local police chief, inquiring about the topic. My level of fascination has waxed and waned over the years, but never went out entirely. I’d say my current level of belief is a definite maybe. That life exists elsewhere in the universe seems almost certain. That some people have had some very strange experiences is also true. Whether these two facts are connected, and if so, in what way… I just don’t know. [Chris is more sure they are] But I certainly find the more extreme end of UFO stories – stuff like the Dulce UFO base and war – very entertaining. So, on hearing about a UFO exhibition opening across town: well, that’s a Christmas present for Chris sorted.

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I was watching the Netflix documentary, Jimmy Savile: A British Horror Story, over the weekend. I was reminded of the time, over 20 years ago and well before he was officially outed as a massive pedophile predator, when I brushed tangentially against him. In 2000, I had published a spoof Have I Got News For You transcript supposedly detailing out-takes from the show episode in which he appeared, and which saw Paul Merton tear into Savile mercilessly. Demon, my hosting provider at the time, got hit with a legal take-down notice.

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Lighthouse Artspace, Scottsdale
29th August, 2021

Truth be told, I’ve never been a particular fan of Van Gogh. I prefer my artists a bit more technically rigorous, such as the Pre-Raphaelites, like John Everett Millais. But there’s no denying the cultural impact of Vincent Van Gogh, and if one artist was ever going to have an “experience” devoted to him, he’s the obvious choice. Or, rather: multiple experiences, for it seems there are quite a few of these travelling events doing the circuit this year. Each claims to be the best, but I’m not going to get into that. This is the one which staked its spot first in Phoenix, so we’ll go with it.

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