It’s that time of year again, when we engage with the kind of music which, for the other 364 days of the year, I would probably run screaming from. But Eurovision deserves special treatment, being the musical equivalent of an MST3K marathon. You go in, knowing to expect a slew of women belting out power ballads, Justin Bieber wannabes, cultural appropriation, and the batshit crazy entries that every country tends to throw up now and again.

This year, there were 37 entries, some of which won’t even make it to the grand final on Saturday night. But they still have deserve their moment in the sun. We sat through all their music videos, so you don’t have to. Here’s our thoughts, scrawled in the moment, and a back of the envelope grade as to whether we like them or not. Which may (and probably will) be utterly independent of musical quality.

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“Sofia Vergara, can you hear me? Sofia Vergara … your boys took a hell of a beating! Your boys took a hell of a beating!”
— with apologies to Bjørge Lillelien

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Bell Bank Park, Mesa
26th February, 2023

Our mission to bring you every a report on every dinosaur-related exhibit to pass through the state of Arizona continues, with a visit to Jurassic Quest, which bills itself as “The #1 Dinosaur Experience in North America!” There appear to be several set-ups touring the country simultaneously: I guess they’re the dino-equivalent of the Blue Man Group. General admission is $22, but that just gets you in the door; if you wanted your kids to experience all the other attractions, an “unlimited” admission is $36. However, the small print informed me that the maximum weight for the rides was 140 lbs, so we sadly bought general admission tickets, and I consoled myself with another doughnut.

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Arizona Boardwalk, Scottsdale
8th January, 2023

I’ve always been interested in UFOs. As a kid, I used to have a subscription to Flying Saucer Review, and wrote a letter to the local police chief, inquiring about the topic. My level of fascination has waxed and waned over the years, but never went out entirely. I’d say my current level of belief is a definite maybe. That life exists elsewhere in the universe seems almost certain. That some people have had some very strange experiences is also true. Whether these two facts are connected, and if so, in what way… I just don’t know. [Chris is more sure they are] But I certainly find the more extreme end of UFO stories – stuff like the Dulce UFO base and war – very entertaining. So, on hearing about a UFO exhibition opening across town: well, that’s a Christmas present for Chris sorted.

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Mullett Arena, Tempe
3rd December, 2022

Our interest in pro wrestling comes and goes. But we’ve always enjoyed the Mexican version, lucha libre. This reached its peak during the glorious run of Lucha Underground, from 2014-18, a glorious mash-up of berserk storytelling and insane action, which ran on Robert Rodriguez’s channel, El Rey. Back before we cut the cable, we’d sometimes watch the two main Mexican wrestling companies, AAA or CMLL, on Spanish-language, with Chris desperately trying to offer a running translation (my knowledge of the language remains at the “Donde esta la biblioteca?” level). We attended our share of local lucha shows, where I was often the whitest person in the room. Awkward, when the American villain is using an ICE gimmick, and yelling at the crowd that they should be mowing his lawn.

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