If your idea of "fun" is watching a constipated midget pull faces as he takes a dump for close to five minutes, boy, have we got a movie for you. [You should also seek professional help, but who are we to judge?] That's one of the "highlights" - I get the feeling I'll be used a lot of there "ironic" quotes - here, which has perhaps the most god-awful opening 20 minutes of any film I've ever seen, depicting a really shitty burlesque/freak-show/I don't know what troupe "Flesharama", who appear entirely devoid of any talent whatsoever. For some reason, they're invited on to an Internet talk-show out in the sticks, only to discover themselves trapped, because the mad scientist (Fellows) in the basement has accidentally on purpose unleashed a horde of female zombies, who run around in their underwear (or less, which is far from always a good thing) gnawing down on whoever gets in their way. One of whom just happens to be the sister of Flesharama's singer (Hopkins).
There are certainly no pretensions here. It's loud, crude, obnoxious and doesn't care what anyone thinks. However, it's hurt by the lack of any actual wit or invention, and by Speed's performance as Pervo the Clown, which has to be the worst by a director since... Well, the only worse ones I can think of, all involve Quentin Tarantino. He's neither as clever nor as funny as he apparently thinks. The production values are strictly bottom-drawer, with lots of cutting away in lieu of special effects, although there's no shortage of the red stuff being flung around. I will admit, I did... if not exactly "laugh," then perhaps "snort in mild amusement" on a couple of occasions, but it feels like a four-year-old yelling rude words for shock value, without an awareness of their meaning. Stunned to discover this 'shot on video shitheap' (to revive a phrase popular from fanzine days) was apparently an official selection at FrightFest in 2009. I can only imagine the makers had some thoroughly blackmail-worthy pictures of Alan Jones, and the same goes for whoever provided the pull quote on the cover (right), since this is neither funny or imaginative as claimed, and is only somewhat gory.
D
[October 2013]
