Mulva: Zombie Ass Kicker!


Dir: Chris Seaver
Star: Missy Donatuti, Calley Thidemann, Chris Seaver, Mike Nicolai

This super-cheap zombie flick lasts less than an hour, but struggles to retain viewer interest for even that limited running time, instead being an easy winner of any "Biggest Gulf Between Cover Model And Actual Lead Actress" contest. It's Halloween in Tromaville: Mulva (Donatuti) was traumatized by a previous trick or treat expeience, where her candy was swiped by the local bullies, but has finally plucked up the courage to go out again, with her friend Cassie (Thidemann). Unfortunately, the bullies are eagerly anticipating another haul of candy, though kindly neighbour Mr. Bonejack (Seaver) is ready to spring to the rescue. What no-one is expecting, is a zombie apocalypse, with the undead shambling their way through the streets, tearing into anyone unfortunate enough to cross their paths.

This is sunk, almost from the get-go, thanks to one of the leaat likeable heroines in cinema history. Part of this is deliberate, I suspect, being the absolute antithesis of the cover. But it still wears thin incredibly fast, between her whining and the worst speech impediment since Pee-Wee Hermann in Mystery Men, Every minute with her is torture, and the rest of the cast isn't much better, including the director in black-face, spouting racial stereotypes about Bill Cosby. It's not funny, and it's not clever. The most amusing character is one of the bullies, dressed as a Dragon Ball character, who is also badly-dubbed and spouts at least one line famous from anime. But that, some amateurish gore, and a cameo from Lloyd Kaufman and The Toxic Avenger, really can't salvage a production whose obvious rank amateurness should have led to it never seeing the light of day outside of Seaver's living-room. While not an actual Troma movie, it manages the startling fear of making even their lowest-budget work look like Avatar.

D
[February 2013]


Ugly as sin
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