Vamps: Deadly Dreamgirls

Dir: Mark Burchett and Michael D. Fox
Star: Jennifer Huss, Paul Morris, Jenny Wallace, Amber Newman

Two-word concept here: vampire strippers. This probably renders the rest of the review redundant, since that has either sent you flicking to the next page, or off to Amazon for the DVD. I'm tempted to fill the remainder of this with words plucked from spam emails, just to see if anyone notices: Viagra, you have won!, unclaimed bank account, teen girls with horses, enhance your manhood...

Still here? I applaud your stamina. The problem is not the "vampire" side of the equation, on which the makers have a good hold. A priest (Morris) falls in love, and has to rescue his lady (Huss) from gentlemen's club-running bloodsuckers led by the evil Tasha (Wallace), while questioning his faith. It's solid, with imaginative touches like having the hero a horror-movie fan, whose walls include posters for Buffy and Fright Night. No, the problem is the strippers, who are neither particularly attractive, nor dance well; Newman might merit a job somewhere, on a slow night. Huss is the biggest offender: innocent heroine, yes; exotic dancer, no.

Obviously it's cheap, and allowing for this, is not too incompetent, with some decent lines. However, it rarely rises far above mediocre, or for long; the best part is a parody of a vampire film watched by the priest on TV, which is spot-on. Note the sleeve-quote, where Joe-Bob Briggs says, "Check it out!" - B-movie fans know he always says that, so this is like saying, "Thumbs! Ebert & Roeper". In truth, he only gave it 2 1/2 stars, and that's probably not far off the mark.

October 2004

Lap-ping up blood...
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