Blade


Dir: Stephen Norrington
Star: Wesley Snipes, Stephen Dorff, Kris Kristofferson, N'Bushe Wright

Flash in time: 1967 - Emergency Room - Hospital - Woman is brought in bleeding by the neck profusely. She is also in labor. Baby is born, she dies.

Flash ahead, 31 years - Present day Vampire clans have ruled the earth quietly for hundreds of years, touting the purity of the purebred vampires that belong to each clan. They are having conflicts with the Unpure clans (those born vampires vs. those made vampires) and all clans have problems with Blade, a mutant that can walk in the daylight and has none of the vampire weaknesses, although all of the vampire strength. Blade is a vampire slayer, on the lookout for the tooth who bit his mother when she was pregnant with him. And with the help of Kris Kristofferson as "Whistler", who makes all his cool weapons and administers a special serum to him that keeps him semi-human, he is one bad mutherfucker.

But who the hell is Pearl, that fat, disgusting, horrifying thing that lays in bed all friggin' day watching tv and asking stupid questions? Supposedly the keeper of the archives: well, how can he protect these ancient secret archives? He's so fat there are no clothes that fit him, he can't get out of bed. How the hell can he be the keeper of anything, except his fat fucking mouth? One last thing: if the pure-breds were so pure and smart, how come they didn't see the revolution of the inbreds (for a moment I thought I heard a banjo -- make that "the Unpure") coming?

Otherwise, the story was fine, the fight scenes marvelous and the 'blow ups' (you'll see) superb - especially when a haematologist that Blade saves, makes a new serum containing anti-coagulants... Ironic to see Ms. Traci Lords (of the porn - and irregularly seen on the Trash City site looking like she should be blowing something) undergoing a role reversal and getting a 'blow job' for once...

I liked Blade a lot. It was well done, pretty scary, and Udo Kier (I worship at the altar to Udo in my garage) dies magnificently in all his movies. The special effects were incredible and the martial arts choreography had me blown away. [Not unlike Ms. Lords...] The final confrontation between Evil and, er, not-so-evil, is expected, but in any case, I have to give this show a couple of nipples straight up!

Chris Fata

The alternate view...
Blade features some of the most impressive, intense and, well, crunchiest violence I've seen at the cinema for a very long time. Snipes is fine as the hero, Dorff makes an impressive villain (despite a startling resemblance to Kiefer Sutherland) and even Kris Kristofferson, Blade's sidekick is good enough. Plus you've got Kier and Lords in minor roles.

So why doesn't it work? Could it be because the script is half-written dreck? One presumes it's all explained a great deal better in the comic books, because it certainly ain't here. It's the usual apocalyptic and millenial nonsense, with Dorff attempting to summon the spirit of some vampire god or other because...well, just because, alright? N'Bushe Wright [what kind of a name is that? N'Bushe?] also fails miserably as love-interest-cum-haematologist. I'd use the word "anaemic" except that would be unforgivably painful.

There's certainly a lot of stuff here to enjoy, but you'll probably find yourself reaching for the fast-forward to find the next session of excessive and gratuitous violence. Which may be a problem if you're in the cinema...

C+





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