Metalstorm


Dir: Charles Band
Star: Jeffrey Byron, Michael Preston, Tim Thomerson, Kelly Preston

Pray for unconsciousness. Even given its full title, "The Destruction of Jared-Syn", this 80's SF film is truly dreadful. All the money appears to have gone on the 3-D photography - admittedly, some of which isn't too bad - leaving the FX, costumes, sets, scripts and actors to fight over the remaining, oh, 75 cents. Post apocalyptic nonsense of the worst sort, the pacing is dreadful, with the most tedious chases I've ever seen - it's barely 70 minutes long, but feels like someone is reciting the telephone directory to you, very slowly. Not even amusingly bad, god knows what it'd be like sitting though it in 2-D. A valid contender for least entertaining movie ever.

E-


The photography has two more
dimensions than the characters and script
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